Ok I know this is been long anticipated, but here they are my silly thoughts!
Just know I came up with all these on my own while sitting down at my computer. If they look like anything else someone else has said, it is either a coincidence, or I sub conscientiously was influenced by it. However, I will assure you none of these were intended to be taken from anything anyone else has said.
1. You know I found myself thinking really hard….and I then realized that my brain wasn’t designed to do that…
2. The other day I was thinking I would get stuff done…then I thought about sleeping…nothing got done
3. One day I was having a really good time, my life was perfect, the world was warm, and bright, and I felt like I was surrounded by a warm liquid…and then I realized I was sleeping with the sun in my face, and had wet my bed…
4. There are two thoughts that go through my head all day…that’s it
5. I prefer crawling to walking, but they don’t make shoes for your hands…
6. If eating was like conquering the world, I think I would own Poland and a little bit of France…
7. I really do think that doughnuts are born without a soul…
8. Life has never held that much interest for me, until I was about to die, then it had all the value in the world…too bad I discovered this after I jumped…
9. I really think mirrors are a mental projection of yourself…they work based on some dark magic, and have the ability to make you look better than you are, and totally different than how other people see you.
10. Life is to short to think about how short it is….
11. If I had wings I wouldn’t fly…you know how cold it is up there? and what if I get tired…I cant just stop and rest…
12. I don’t believe in killing animals, I let someone else do that for me..
13. If vegetables where really that good for you wouldn’t you think that they would come in pies?
14. If Santa was real, then I shouldn’t ever get presents, because I talk bad about him behind his back…that fat lard
15. I think Rudolph was made up to make all the ugly children feel better about themselves…until all the pretty reindeer got jealous and exiled him to never never land…
16. If life was like a box of chocolate…I would get a refund…and buy some cake…
17. The harder I think the more my feet hurt…and I cant figure out why..
18. If I didn’t have a heart…then how would I have been able to make you cry?
19. I don’t think about death that often…I think about not dieing a lot more..
20. If the world was made of trampolines…I would never drive…
21. If life is really that good to you…then why don’t you give me some of your stuff…
22. The smarter sheep always travel in the back of the herd ..in case they come across any cliffs…
23. Lemmings aren’t really that dumb, they just have a high suicide rate…
24. If the earth really traveled around the sun…wouldn’t we eventually see its backside?
25. Someone once told me that your eyes can deceive you…well duh…ask anyone who drinks…
26. Hugging porcelain is as much my idea of a good time, as putting my face in someone’s butt, and having my stomach try to kill me…
27. I’m not a raciest, I just hate people…
28. I’ve never been much of a tree hugger…they are too ruff
29. You may be spoiled, but I’m loved.
30. If life throws you a lemon…just duck..
31. If God wanted you to commit suicide…He would have installed that big red button that says “self destruct”…
32. I don’t think men were designed to walk…but we are always doing what we aren’t supposed to be doing…
33. If space were really infinite…then how would we ever get to God?
34. I think God made women to remind men to shower once and a while…
35. Have you ever thought that banana’s had feelings after you ripped their skin off and ate their insides? I really hope they don’t, or I’m a monster.
36. They say laughter is the best medicine, but it can’t be medicine, it costs too little.
37. I always thought fighting was stupid, I mean how does beating me up make you right? Its like torturing a person and asking them to tell you your pretty, what do you think they are going to do? “ow, ow, your pretty, ow, ow, no really im not just saying that you are really, ow, oh please stop you pretty person you” Do you really think they are going to say, “no sorry I just cant lie, you are really ugly and you can hurt me all you want, I wont tell you your pretty, its against my principles” That’s about as much sense as fighting makes to me. Well unless its to stop a person from hurting another person, than violence is necessary, but fighting over who’s the coolest, is just plain stupid.
38. Women are wrong a lot, men are just afraid to say so. Haha just joking women are never wrong…
39. Men don’t really feel pain, they just like women to baby them.
40. Men know what women want, they just have decided that it’s to much work to get.
41. Looks really matter to women, its just that some of the uglier guys have more money, and have a less chance of getting a more beautiful woman, then their stronger, handsomer, but poorer counterparts. Or so I tell myself.
42. If women were really not equal to men, then why would a man be afraid that his woman might get mad? Why does he do what he can, even if it makes him look stupid, to make sure she is not mad? Why would a man make all those baby sounds when talking to his woman in public if she was really a lesser creature? Every man knows this isn’t acceptable male behavior, especially in public, so why would he resort to this? You wouldn’t talk to your pet that way, just because you were afraid it might get mad at you and poop on your shoe. Well I think that proves women are equal if not superior to men.
43. I’ve never found a problem I couldn’t tackle; I just think of the solution and move on.
44. If bed were meant to look neat, you wouldn’t sleep in them; sleeping isn’t neat.
45. I think eating meat is to much work, you always need some sort of sauce to go with it. Besides if you were meant to eat meat it would come in different flavors with all the sauces built in, you know kind of like how fruit is.
46. I want to know how people found out what stuff was bad to eat, I mean if it killed you, how could you warn others? Were people keeping eating logs, so all you had to do was look up the last entry and go “well I guess I’m not going to eat that”, but what if the bad stuff took a few days to kill you…what if?
47. I think solitary confinement would be more of a blessing than a punishment, think about all the time you could have to write your book that will make you rich once you get out, and no one will be around to interrupt your work.
48. The worst thing about solitary confinement is you have no one else to blame the smells on.
49. I base my advice on how much sleep a person should get purely upon their looks. Obviously some need to sleep a lot more than others.
50. I think to many people think sex is about the physical, its not, its about not getting caught.
51. I think the basket industry came up with the saying “don’t put your eggs all in one basket”.
52. If I’m not supposed to put all my eggs in one basket how many do I put in then? See no one tells you that.
53. I don’t think that being president is that hard, I mean everyone thinks they can do it, and do it better than the president himself. I think it should be the other way around, the president votes the people as citizens. At least there would be a lot less people telling us how to run things.
54. I actually do think I can walk on water, I just haven’t figured out how to stop falling through the surface yet.
55. Do you think cows have nightmares where people come push them over while they are sleeping? Or do they dream about being milked? Only to wake up and see they have wet their bed?
56. Do you think cows ever wonder what happened to their friends: “Hey marge, wonder what’s taking betrus so long, she said she was going on a factory tour and would be back later”
57. I wonder what animals think about before there are eaten by bigger animals “Ah crap, I knew I should have taken dodging lions 101 in college”
58. Santa has retired his sleigh and now flies a supercharged fighter jet, with cloaking and stealth technology, and delivers presents though fireplace guided smart present delivery systems, the lazy ass.
59. If Jesus was real wouldn’t you think He would be in the dictionary under Messiah? But all we have is thousands of dead people who would rather have been tortured than give in to their little hoax. That’s why I believe in karma because I saw a gold fish that looked like a dead relative, I never like him anyways.
60. I think that’s why people like Karma, it makes them feel good when they can say to their friend: “you know that guys coming back as something really bad”.
61. I believe in the fung shway. I have always gotten a pretty strong sense from the bathroom.
62. I have never liked dogs, I mean what’s so great about an animal that basses its whole social structure around sniffing other dogs butts?
63. If men were meant to fly, God would have made that abrupt stop at the end of the fall hurt so much.
64. I have never understood man’s attraction to skin. I mean it doesn’t smell good on its own, it doesn’t cook for you, wash your car, or do your taxes, but we would give our hard earned cash to see some of it…idiots you have skin all over you.
65. I’m never wrong just misunderstood.
66. Movie stars are only as pretty as their make-up artist is good.
67. I never sleep well my sheep run too fast and mess up my count.
68. When given a choice between to do or to die, I run and pray.