I wish I knew what really makes men tick, when I was younger. I don’t mean the simple things like women, guns, excitement, but deeper things like meaningful accomplishment, and true leadership.
Like most young men there was a time I was happy to let women lead the relationship thinking it would be easier than the hard life of a true leader, all the while not knowing the damage it was doing to my spirit. Of course men and women are of equal worth but God has created us differently and therefore has given us some differences in our callings, which means our fulfillment in life is based on a few things that are different while many other things are the same.
Men were given the task of true leadership. To love their wives like Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for her. Women the task of a helpmate to assist men in their God given task to “subdue” the earth just as the Church is to participate in Christ’s mission to subdue the world for God (I mean this in a spiritual sense as the Kingdom is not fully hear in a physical sense and won’t be until Christ physically returns).
When these roles are not understood and crossed in a relationship there is damage to everyone.
What I wish I knew:
Men are designed to provide for their families, when a woman is the main provider there is a cost to the man that he must bear. A cost that slowly sucks his self worth. Yes I know our self-worth is to be found first in Christ, but there is a real sense of letting Christ down when we cannot provide for our families. Every man who has lost a job knows what I mean here. This also can show itself in a situation where the man can provide, but the woman wants more than he can so she provides for herself and thinks he should have more and gives to him as well. This also can damage the man. Every man I know deep down wants to be able to provide for his family without any help. If his wife wants to work then he would prefer her money is just her own personal fund for the unnecessary things she might want or additional charity missions she wants to be involved in. It is sad that our society has destroyed the ability of most men to be sole providers, this has damaged men and women alike and has harmed our families in my humble opinion.
I wish I knew the value of working hard even if you are not “successful” in the eyes of the world. A little with hard work is better than any handout or undeserved wages.
I wish I knew how much women value emotional closeness and stability. A good man will care for his wife’s feelings and nurture that aspect of their relationship. If a woman feels close to her man, she will be close.
I wish I knew that all good things take time and hard work and will not just fall in my lap.
I wish I knew to not let women push me into things that I really didn’t want. There is a good thing in a woman who encourages you pursue what you know is good but were too scared or lazy to go after. However, it is a bad thing when a woman pushes you into things you cannot embrace just yet. A healthy man will not do what his woman wants just because she wants it, but will either try to value it because it is valuable or reject it because it isn’t.
I wish I knew it was ok to walk away from a relationship that didn’t make us both better people, and even more so that I should walk away from relationships that do not make us both better.